when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
