i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
vagina is talking i cant
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
