I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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