i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
