How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
