did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
