Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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