She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
