alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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