Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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