are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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