Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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