dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
