is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
