Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
