Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
