No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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