Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
