I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
