I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
