OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
