Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
