Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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