No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
