let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
