her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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