Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
