I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
