i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
