I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
