between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
