it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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