Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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