yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
