Do vagina's smell?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
