My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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