guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
