I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
