I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
