So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
