my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
