Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
