i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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