What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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