Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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