I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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