were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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