I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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