dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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