Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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