Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
